I have a heart inside my chest, made of bits of broken glass
The One Who put it back together again was sure to make it last.
Through the long, hard tests of time, bits of my heart fell away
Because of things someone did, or what someone forgot to say
In vain I tried to piece it myself, to fix what had been shattered
But I only made it worse than before, and all the pieces were scattered.
Then my Jesus came with open arms and told me not to fear
That He would heal my hurting wounds and wipe away each tear
With love shining in His eyes, He assured me all was well
And He pulled my soul from great distress, and plucked me from where I fell
Despite the sharp bits of my broken heart that
cut into his palm,
He endured the pain to take away my own, and to my storm brought calm.
He took the broken pieces that I had scattered throughout all the lands
And pieced them back together again, with the crimson blood from His Hands
LaKaysha Stenersen
February 2020
Ever since I heard the song "Broken Things" by Juliet Turner, which is a really pretty tune about a broken heart, I had this image in my mind. Despite it being about a man and a woman, it seemed to depict a picture of Christ as well.
For months I had this picture of Christ putting my broken heart back together again, but I just couldn't seem to find the words to put that image for others to see.
The final line rang through my thoughts for a long time, and I was finally able to sit down and finish the rhyme. What do you ya'll think?
It probably could be better, but I write what comes to me. I only wish I could do the beautiful revelation justice... it was a lovely image in my heart. <3
I couldn't find a very good video of Juliet Turner singing it, so you'll have to hear it by this woman instead. This is the song that inspired the poem. <3
I hope you all enjoyed that! Have a wonderful day, and God bless. <33
I have been absent, I know.
Please, allow me to explain.
It's been a rough time for me, personally, this past few months.
My bank account was getting lower, and lower and lower., until I was becoming quite anxious and overwhelmed, realizing I couldn't keep this up.
My once-a-week cleaning job wasn't keeping up with my constant needs and bills (gas, phone, eye care, ect.) and, at the possibility of sounding like a vain creature, my wardrobe looks pretty sad.
It was a struggle to keep gas in my vehicle, and when friends wanted to go out for lunch, I'd always get a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I knew I couldn't.
I couldn't seem to find anything worthwhile, that would actually pay well, plus be convenient for someone as insecure is me.
No place I inquired about was hiring. I even asked at my favorite coffee shop, but I'm pretty sure they only hire relatives, so I came up empty there, too.
I was practically down to my last dollar, and I couldn't take it anymore.
One night I actually broke down, crying and stating I didn't know what I was doing anymore, where I was going from here; why did I even exist?
Nothing seemed to be going right for me, and all my prayers seemed to be falling on a silent ear.
Down to my last options, I typed on the ALC Facebook page:
"Looking for a babysitting/cleaning job. Would prefer to work for someone within the church, part-time. If you are interested, or know of someone in need of help, please let me know!"
I pushed the 'post' button and walked away, doubting I would even get a response.
'O, ye of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?'
Only a few days later, a woman messaged me about a nanny job, which sounded a little sketchy, but I was considering it, and asked God to show me if that's what he wanted me to do. The next day I got another message, from a relative, Myrna Jussila.
She was moving and needed someone to take over some of her clients, if I would be interested.
Well, of course I told her I certainly was, as was my sister Daminika, and she filled me on the details. It sounded appealing enough, and I pretty much agreed to give it a try.
A job at last! My prayers had been answered.
One kink in the plans, though: We had to buy our own vacuum.
Like the ungrateful, weak creature that I am, I promptly switched my stress from finding a job to figuring out how to buy a vacuum. I mean, they aren't the cheapest item in the store.
The following Sunday I was seated in church, and instead of listening to the sermon as I ought, I was stressing over where on earth was I going to get the money for a vacuum.
I prayed that maybe someone had one they no longer wanted and would let us take it, or maybe randomly win one, shoot, maybe even have one fall into my lap. Anyway possible, Lord, help me find one!
After church, we went home, and I went into my room to change out of my church clothes. A message flashed across my cell phone screen. "Hey, girls, I found a vacuum for only $50!" No way.
Another prayer answered.
This may seem like a little thing to some, but it had been weighing on my mind until I thought I would surely scream from the anxiety, and here one 'falls in my lap.'
I could have cried for joy, but again, my happiness soon gave way to anxiety, as I dreaded the days when I would have to go and meet the owners of the houses I would be cleaning. Talking is not my thing.
The night before we were to meet our first client, I was a nervous wreck, and then this song popped up on my Youtube.
Again, I moved to tears, as I realized my lack of faith, my silly fretting over petty things that were out of my control.
And so now, as I slowly become adjusted to another new season in my life, I often have to remind myself, 'Over and over, again and again God is faithful.'
I don't know how long this season will last, or how things will go, but the best thing I can do is square my shoulders and just keep moving forward, knowing 'Jesus is with me, so I'll claim the victory.'
On a lighter side, I'm super excited about another upcoming season: Fall!
I have never been the type to cling to summer, in fact, I always look forward to the changing seasons, because there is always something breathtaking about each one.
Summer has sunny days, relaxing evenings and river walks, while Winter is full of crackling fires, Christmas trees, snow, and peppermint candies.
Spring has lush green grass, bright wildflowers and songbirds.
Fall....
Ah, Autumn.
The last of the harvesting is under way, apples are pressed into cider, leaves are raked into piles perfect for leaping into, rain patters the rooftops and waters the grass that's been bleached and burnt by summer's heat.
You can see your breath as you snuggle into your jacket and scarf, clutching a steaming mug of spicy tea while listening to the sounds of nature.
Boots and sweaters.
Thanksgiving and foggy mornings.
There is so much to love about this coming season!
What life-changing season do you remember the most? Apple cider or Pumpkin coffee? LaKaysha
I've been feeling...restless lately.
Have you ever had a feeling of longing, for something you've never seen, someone you've never met, a place you've never been?
Like there's an aching in your heart for something you can't exactly pin-point, but it's there just the same?
I haven't been writing on here very often, and mainly it's because I haven't felt the need... the want, to sit down and type out something deep and meaningful.
My job hasn't been going the greatest; I worry my boss only hired me to help me out and isn't happy with my efforts.
The search for a new job keeps coming up empty, or something does come my way that just isn't for me. Maybe it's me that's wrong? Maybe I need to simply push away any anxieties or disinterests and take the first job that comes.
But if I have to do something for the rest of my life, shouldn't it be something I love? I mean, I've had a job I hated... I don't want to do that again.
I'm struggling to find a purpose for myself.
I want to do something that makes a difference, but where to start? How to find the meaning and joy in something that will also support me?
My heart feels so empty, and I'm not even sure why.
It frustrates me at times, because I feel lonely and moody for no apparent reason; when someone asks me about it, I say I'm fine, because I don't know what else to say.
My prayers are often simply, "Less of me, more of You," because I need something to fill this space inside me... I need Christ to engulf my heart and satisfy me.
I know all this, and it's my plea often.
So why do I still feel this way?
Yesterday I went on a coffee date with a dear friend, Shantelle, and we had a good long chat for over two hours. <3
I greatly enjoyed talking with her, opening my heart, and seeing that I'm not the only one who had gone through this.
I can't even remember all she said, but I only know she made me feel so much more loved after our conversation. That it was okay to feel incomplete. That it was okay to be struggling.
She assured me that God is hearing my prayers and He will answer them in due time.
That I'm not wicked and hopeless because of my struggles.
Sometimes a long talk with a sister in Christ is all you need to be reminded that everything will be all right, in due time.
So, in a rather roundabout way, that's my explanation as to why this blog has been rather dull lately. I do apologize, but there isn't much I can do about it right now.
I mean, you can't write on demand....
At least, I can't. Maybe other writers can.
So when I come out of this writer's slump, I'll try to jot down some great post that will have ya'll rubbing your hands in glee.....
Yesterday was the glorious 4th! *fireworks explode*
Independence Day has always been one of my favorite holidays, since I was a little girl.
Fireworks, sparklers, barbecues, and flags flying in the wind.
Why do I celebrate the 4th?
Is it because I am an American, thinking my country is superior to yours?
My patriotism run much deeper than anything like that.
I'm not the gung-ho, shoot-your-head-off-if-you-run-us-down type, nor do I think that because I am an American, I am better than any other nationality on this earth.
I love my country.
On Independence Day, it's more than a celebration of our nation's birthday.
More than a celebration of America's past, present and future.
It's the celebration of an idea.
An idea that God placed in the hearts of our Founding Fathers so many years ago.
An idea that all men are created equal and free, by one God, and that any man, of race, color or social stature, can walk with his head high, look any man in the eye, and say, think and believe anything he desires.
An idea that burned in millions of hearts throughout the years, across the nation and across the world.
And that idea, that kindling flame, still burns in the hearts of millions today.
Freedom, justice, and peace, can be possible for any man.
That idea isn't for only Americans.
It's for the British, the Russian, the Chinese, the Canadian, the Australian; any man or woman 'who holds these truth to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'
No I don't believe that being American is only way to go, that we are the better people on earth, or that because of our nationality, we are getting a higher place in heaven.
I know sometimes there are those who can get carried away, and may across in that way.
It's because it's so hard to explain, to bank this flame that grows inside.
I can't truly tell you why I feel the way I do.
I can't recall a time where anyone told me I had to be a Patriot, or to love my country, or why.
It's just...a feeling, a conviction, a deep, deep love that God seems to have placed there, and nothing anyone says or does can change it.
Here in the United States of America, we have our problems.
No nation is perfect.
I will be the first to agree that things seem to be getting pretty bad these days, and many times I have been driven to my knees with a heavy heart, asking God to forgive our nations many sins, and to open the eyes of the people and the leaders to Him.
Yes, these have been dark days for Miss Liberty.
But that flame is still there.
She still holds it high, for all the world to see, reminding us that as long as we feed that flame, that idea, it will never go out.
If we look up, into the Divine Light of our Savior, He will continue to bless this nation and forgive us our many trespasses.
O beautiful for pilgrim feet, Whose stern impassion’d stress A thoroughfare for freedom beat Across the wilderness! America! America! God mend thine ev’ry flaw, Confirm thy soul in self-control, Thy liberty in law! O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife, Who more than self their country loved, And mercy more than life! America! America! May God thy gold refine Till all success be nobleness, And ev’ry gain divine! God bless the many men and women who have given their lives for this nation, for this idea, this flame that He lit. God grant our leaders humility, wisdom, and grace. And may God continue to bless the U.S.A. LaKaysha
I've been struggling, you all know it, and I want to thank you so much for your prayers and words of encouragement! <3
It's been quite a storm over in my world for the last week, and it didn't look much like the sun would ever come out again.
No, not literally, because our weather here has been quite gorgeous. ;)
I'm talking about inwardly.
Besides my other struggles I have shared, there has been a family matter that has us in fervent prayer for one our dear ones, and it's been a hard, hard time for us all.
It isn't something I can really talk about, but it's been very hard for me, because the person involved has been my dearest friend since childhood, and it's never easy to see someone you love turn away from all the things you believe are important.
Needless to say, I was hurting so badly, and it wasn't a very happy birthday for me...
(The party wasn't on my actual birthday, you see)
I couldn't understand why this was happening, why God allowed this...
I was confused, and hurt.
But in times like these, the only thing you can do is... Let go.
I was clinging to my pain, my hurt, but I now see it's time to leave it all; my loneliness, my hurt, my confusion, and my dear friend in the hands of our Savior.
There is nothing I can do, and it's time I stopped trying to change things that I have no control over.
It's time I went on with a smile, and a sense of peace in my heart, knowing that this life, this world, and my soul are in the Hands of the One Who made it all. 'Leave it there, leave it there. Just take your burden to the Lord and leave it there. If you trust Him through your doubt, He will surely bring you out. Just take your burden to the Lord and leave it there...' ~ 'Leave it There' by Joey and Rory
Have you ever heard the song 'You Know Better Than I'?
It's a beautiful, beautiful song, that gives me great comfort when I'm confused and hurting.
'I thought I did what's right. I thought I had the answer. I thought I chose the surest road, but that road brought me here. So I put up a fight, and told You how to help me And just when I have given up, the truth is coming clear. Chorus: You know better than I, You know the way. I've let go the need to know why. For you know better than I. (2)If this has been a test, I cannot see the reason. But maybe knowing 'I don't know' is part of getting through. I try to do what's best and faith has made it easy, to see the best thing I can do, is put my trust in You.
(Chorus)
I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky. I saw a bird and thought that I could follow. But it was You Who taught that bird to fly. If I let You reach me, will You teach me? For You know better than I, You know the way. I've let go the need to know why. I'll take what answers You supply. You know better than I.'
I've come to realize that God does know, much, much more than I ever could.
He has a plan, a purpose for my life, and Everything is gonna be okay.
In one of my favorite films. 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington'. the leading character tells the girl how things always seem so much brighter, so much lovelier when you emerge from a dark tunnel, and that he tries to live his whole life, to see the whole world, as if he had just come out of a tunnel.
Well, guys, I've been in a dark tunnel for a while.
A tunnel I built myself, with self-pity and loneliness.
But no more.
I'm coming out of the tunnel, with a smile on my face and a song in my lips, and I'm going to try and embrace the life the Merciful Father has given me with a contented heart. You know, ever since the trouble with my friend started, I haven't given myself much thought.
God can use every trial for something good!
I now see there are so much worse things than being single for a while.
How selfish of me, to feel anger and sadness simply because I haven't got what I wanted right now.
I belong to a God Who loves me, Who died for me, Who created every single inch of me, and has a glorious plan for me.
Why should I feel discouraged?
I know my life, my family and friends' lives, and your life is in His Hands.
All right, you have heard it before, but I felt it was time open up again.
I've been feeling pretty low these days, struggling to accept where I am, and most of all, being single. It doesn't help when an ad on your Pandora is always screaming:
'Are you single?'
To which I want to reply: 'Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Thank you for bringing up such a painful subject. Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it while your at it?!"
(Stole that line, if you don't know. LOL)
It's hard for me to understand sometimes just why I have to be alone right now.
There are days when I want to scream to the Father, 'Don't You understand? I need someone. I need my other half. I feel so empty, like a part of me is missing."
But then I have to be reminded: 'No, you don't. Right now you only need Me. At this very moment all you need is my love, my strength. Stop looking for something that won't happen until I make it happen."
I came across a verse in Isaiah on a day like this that shamed me.
The 54th chapter: 'For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit....For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer. '
I realized that what God was trying to tell me.
Right now you may seem lonely, but believe Me, when I bring the right man into your life, all of this waiting will be forgotten, and you will be wonderfully happy.
Now is only the time for patience, prayer, and seeking My face.
I struggle with feeling unworthy, inept and just plain stupid sometimes, always feeling like I need to be trying harder to better myself.
These days I've been praying a lot for God to work in my heart, filling me more of Him, less of me, and to help me be content with where I am at this moment of my life.
But these days it just seems like I'm getting nowhere.
Like the days are flying past, everything moving in a huge rush, and I'm just standing still, the same old clumsy, awkward girl with no purpose.
Oh, I know we all have a purpose, but sometimes we just feel.... I don't know. Just BLEH.
So I would like to ask for all of your prayers as well, if it isn't any bother.
Please pray that I learn to leave my destiny in the hand's of the Father, to stop worrying about the future, and that I can grow into the godly woman He wants me to be.
Forgive my whining, but sometimes we have to open up, don't we?
Ok, I'm sure those of you that know me personally are reading the title of my post, and are thinking rather hotly,
"You are insecure!"
Very true. I struggle with insecurity, and I have for quite a number of years now.
But one day it dawned on me, as I pondered my problem.
Selfish, self-centered....that's what it means to be insecure.
Now, don't take this personal; I am only stating a fact.
Think about it.
When you are insecure, you think everyone is looking at you.
What do they think of me?
I don't want them to think I'm a dumb, awkward girl.
Oh, no, that girl is laughing at me, I just know it!
I can't wear that, people will look at me!
Me, me, me, me.
Notice how when you are insecure, it's all about you?
I don't think we mean to do it, but unknowingly, we are placing ourselves first and foremost in our minds.
You just think about yourself, how everyone is looking at you, and thinking about you.
Lately, when I start feeling like that, I try to bring someone else to my mind, whether it means talking sincerely with the person next to me, or remembering someone in prayer.
It helps to focus on someone else's needs. :)
Another reason insecurity is wrong:
We are supposed to walk with confidence in our Father, knowing that our lives are in His Hands, and we are to be shining His light everywhere we go.
Matthew 5:15 "Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick and it giveth light to unto all that are in the house."
I don't mean we should be proud and haughty.
I believe we are to always be humble.
But we can still place our faith in our Heavenly Father, walk with our chins held high and with the peace that He leads and guides us, and can give us the words to speak, and the actions to display.
That's all it really boils down to, when you think about it.
Anxiety, fear, shyness...He knows our problems, and He can strengthen us and help us to overcome our weaknesses.
It's His strength, not ours.
Just some thoughts, and I hope I made sense to ya'll. ;)
I have been feeling so down lately.
It doesn't seem like I have much point or purpose here on earth.
Yes, I help out at home, but living in a house full of adults, cleaning, cooking and laundry truly doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment.
My sistes can cook, clean and do all that, too, and I guess that doesn't make me feel needed.
Like if I were ever gone, things really wouldn't change all that much.
Oh, I know my family would miss me, and they would never want me to leave, but I still feel discouraged.
I was feeling pretty alone and empty.
I wanted a spouse, and I wanted him now, but he wasn't showing up, and it didn't look like he would be any time soon.
In anger and dispointment, I lashed out at God and told Him I was tired, lonely, empty, and it wasn't fair!
Didn't He care? Why doesn't He send me someone?
Didn't He see all of the pain and loneliness I was feeling?
God answered back to me in a very humbling way.
For one thing, why did I want a husband?
I wanted him to be happy, to feel secure and needed.
Isn't that what I'm for?
Oh, yes, I knew that I should be finding my peace and comfort in God, but I was just tired of all this waiting...
Don't you think those are selfish reasons?
I felt pretty humbled then.
A husband isn't going to fill the emptiness inside your heart. Only I can do that. And didn't you ever stop to think, that I have something very special planned for you, and all of your waiting and wondering should be turned into prayers and meditation with Me? Perhaps I feel that you need to be filled with more of Me before you are ready to give your heart to another.
I was moved to tears.
I may have someone out there, made for only you, and you must guard your heart from foolish dreams of a love that will fill your wants. He will be worth the wait, and will give you what I know you need, not what you think you need. Until you heart is mine, it isn't safe in the hands of a man.
I had never felt so rebuked, and I was ashamed.
I asked Him to give me a searching heart, always wishing to know more of Him, and to forgive my selfishness and anger.
To teach me His ways, to mold me into a better woman that will live for Him, and not man, and teach me to be content where I am.
I am going admit something, so bear with me.
I had seen someone, a man, and had thought he looked nice, and cute, and began to dream of him.
I hadn't even spoke to him.
I think I really was clinging to him, mentally, because he was single and cute.
Well, he got a girlfriend.
And that hurt.
I felt so let down.
And that same day, I saw this:
Wow.
Talk about humbling.
It literally took my breath away when I saw it on Pinterest.
And now I know that I have to stop trying to write my own love story.
I must simply walk with my Lord and hold to His Hand as He guides me, because I have no idea where I am going in this life.
I must always be seeking His will, His strength and His love.
And when it comes to my point and purpose in life, I must live for Him, and Him only.
I was tagged by Daminika @Walking In the Sunshine to do a Meaningful Song Lyric, so here it goes.
(I'm not as fancy at this kind of stuff as my sister, so bear with me, please)
Well, that's it!
I could go on and on, but my computer is slow, so I figure that four songs was plenty ;)
Since I was very young, I loved listening a song that Emily had on her gospel CD, called, "Wine Into Water" about a man begging God to help him overcome his problem.
I never really knew why, but I loved the tune, the rhythm, and of course, the meaning.
For some reason, the song had always reminded me of America, and I secretly wrote my own words to the tune.
I finally decided to write it down, and soon added more verses.
I have always loved my country, so strongly, that the thought of it falling into corruption was more than I could bear.
I tried to take the burden of my nation onto my own weak shoulders, instead of leaving it in God's Hands.
Do you know how heavy that can be?
Anyways, I just thought I'd share the song with you all....
It is meant to be America praying...
The first two verses are basically the same as the original song.
Miss Liberty's Prayer
(1) You’ve heard a multitude of prayers on my behalf.
I pray one more is not too much to ask.
I’ve tried to fight this battle by myself,
But it’s a war that I can’t win without Your help.
(2) So many times I’ve hurt the ones You love.
I’ve pushed them to edge of giving up.
They’ve stood by me but how long can they stand,
If I don’t put this nation in Your hands?
(chorus)
And tonight I’m as low as any land can go,
I’m down and I can’t fall much farther.
But I’ve read that across the sea, proud nations broke and kneeled to Thee
And I’m on my knees, please show me what to do.
Could You help me give this nation back to You?
(3) I’ve forgotten what’s made this nation strong,
I’ve fallen to the wicked ways of wrong.
I’ve tried to regain the power of this great land,
But now I know that power is in Your hands.
(4) So many have fallen far into sin,
And, Oh, Lord, where do I begin?
It’s time I’ve stopped searching for something new,
All girls have their own little fancies of their future spouses, like what they will look like, talk like, and even dress like.
We lay on our beds and dream of how wonderful he will treat you, how he will open doors for you, talk to you like you were a queen worth serving...
And those things aren't so bad to hope and dream for, right?
But the other night, I realized there is something much more important.
And so I decided to make up my own little "list" of my future husband 'requirements'.
The man I marry must be polite, kind, caring, and considerate.
He must treat his mother and father with love and respect, his siblings as his dear friends, do well with babies and little kids.
But most of all, he must love God with all his heart, mind and soul.
He must be able to sit down with my parents and other elders, speak truthfully and from his heart about his faith and his Lord, without embarrassment or hesitation, and truly, truly, believe what he is saying.
He must look to Jesus Christ as his Savior and Redeemer and have the Holy Spirit within him.
He must be able to encourage me in my faith, uplift me, and with God's help, I pray I can do the same for him.
These things are important to both God and to me, and this what I pray for each night before I close my eyes to dream.
A man who has the love of God within his heart.
Just some thoughts tonight. :) I hope you enjoy.
God's peace,
LaKaysha
Ok, everyone. I am going to really open up in this post so bear with me if you can...
Years ago, I was on fourth grade, my class was doing Bible, and my teacher was trying to explain faith, comparing it to a desk chair.
"How do you know if that chair will hold you when you sit down? You don't really, your just believe it will."
Well, looking back, that doesn"t even compare, but sitting at my desk, I began to ponder that, something that can be very dangerous.
Then that one, terrible thought came into my mind, "How do I know God is real?"
I instantly was ashamed of that thought, but it was too late. I had lost that innocence each child has when raised in a Christian home, and began to think and ponder, question and doubt.
I even said aloud once, "I hate God." Just to see what would happen.
The mind is a dangerous thing. I was treading deep waters.
That started it all, for I began to live in fear of dying, ashamed of all those terrible thoughts..
I just knew that my faith was no longer strong enough, because of all my doubts and thoughts, and if I died, what would happen?
The end of the world terrified me, and night after night I lay in bed, praying, singing hymns, tears streaming down my face as I begged God to grant me more faith, and to not let me die until I was spiritually ready. A lot of terrified pleas and promises...
I wrote notes to my parents, as it has always been easier for me to write how I feel, and they always assured me that everything was forgiven and washed in the blood of Christ, and gave me all the love and encouragement they could, but it didn't really help.
I was living in fear, pure and simple.
I went from day to day, thinking on nothing but death, dying, and sin, until it practically consumed me.
Nothing anyone told me helped.
I read my Bible, I sang hymns, I prayed endlessly.
The Scriptures always comforted me for a while, as did hymns, but the fears would always come back, and oh, I knew I was too terrible a person to save.
This lasted from fourth grade until I was about fifteen years old.
One day, God suddenly opened up my eyes and told me, "It's all forgiven in the blood of Christ and I love you, and I don't want you to be so unhappy." It's all forgiven.
For years people had been telling me that, and I wanted to believe it, oh, I did!
But God had to give me that peace and faith.
I couldn't do it myself, no matter how hard I tried, because, believe me, I tried.
And it didn't go away overnight, mind you, even after God revealed it to me.
I still struggled with sleeping, for nights were the worst for me, but I didn't despair and cry this time,
I finally had the peace to say to the devil, "Get thee hence."
And he would go away.
I still struggle at times, and I have to go to my parents to be encouraged and assured, but I don't live in fear anymore.
I know that God will never leave me or forsake me.
The song "Alone Yet Not Alone" sums it up so well for me. "When my steps are lost and desperate for a guide, I can feel His touch, a soothing presence by my side! Alone, yet not alone. Not forsaken when on my own. I can lean upon His arms and be lifted up from harms. ...If I stumble or if I'm thrown, I'm alone yet not alone. I'm alone, yet not alone!"
I can only thank God for those very trying years of my life, because I can say with confidence that it was because of those years that I feel God closer than ever.
It was all those terrible nights that drew me to His side, and now I know I will never, ever be ripped away. "How deep the Father's love for us! How vast beyond all measure!"
God bless everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving!
LaKaysha
