Tuesday, January 31, 2017
All right, you have heard it before, but I felt it was time open up again.
I've been feeling pretty low these days, struggling to accept where I am, and most of all, being single.
It doesn't help when an ad on your Pandora is always screaming:
'Are you single?'
To which I want to reply:
'Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Thank you for bringing up such a painful subject. Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it while your at it?!"
(Stole that line, if you don't know. LOL)
It's hard for me to understand sometimes just why I have to be alone right now.
There are days when I want to scream to the Father, 'Don't You understand? I need someone. I need my other half. I feel so empty, like a part of me is missing."
But then I have to be reminded: 'No, you don't. Right now you only need Me. At this very moment all you need is my love, my strength. Stop looking for something that won't happen until I make it happen."
I came across a verse in Isaiah on a day like this that shamed me.
The 54th chapter:
'For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit....For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer. '
I realized that what God was trying to tell me.
Right now you may seem lonely, but believe Me, when I bring the right man into your life, all of this waiting will be forgotten, and you will be wonderfully happy.
Now is only the time for patience, prayer, and seeking My face.
I struggle with feeling unworthy, inept and just plain stupid sometimes, always feeling like I need to be trying harder to better myself.
These days I've been praying a lot for God to work in my heart, filling me more of Him, less of me, and to help me be content with where I am at this moment of my life.
But these days it just seems like I'm getting nowhere.
Like the days are flying past, everything moving in a huge rush, and I'm just standing still, the same old clumsy, awkward girl with no purpose.
Oh, I know we all have a purpose, but sometimes we just feel.... I don't know. Just BLEH.
So I would like to ask for all of your prayers as well, if it isn't any bother.
Please pray that I learn to leave my destiny in the hand's of the Father, to stop worrying about the future, and that I can grow into the godly woman He wants me to be.
Forgive my whining, but sometimes we have to open up, don't we?