Monday, May 21, 2018

East Bound

I'm afraid I will be leaving you once again, blog world. (I don't think you'll even notice I'm gone)

Yes, I shall be flying away, into the wild blue yonder in two days, and I won't be blogging until I get back, and it may take me a bit even then, so I will be absent for at least three weeks. 
 *Wrinkles nose in thought* Maybe even four. It depends on my energy level. 

For those of you who don't know, I'll be headed out to see my sister in New England, since it's been way too long since we've seen each other. (Getting married changes people's priorities, I hear.)
 I'm nervous about the trip, (as usual) but I know it'll all go great once we're there. 
But, ya'll, I HATE flying, so..... 

Anywho, to make a long story short, I'm LEAVING you and this is my goodbye. 
that's the third gif in a row, but do I care?

I'll be seeing ya'll later!


Wednesday, May 16, 2018

It's Okay to Be Me

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are

I've never been like other girls.
 Growing up, I was considered a tomboy; climbing trees and playing war with my cousins were my favorite pastimes, fourwheeler rides helped put me to sleep, swimming in the river made me grin with pleasure.
 I could stay in the pool for hours, I wasn't afraid of very many things (clowns, always afraid of them) and I guess sometimes that got me into trouble, like the time I disappeared and my mom had to run through the mud (in her white shoes) after me.
  I was pretty rowdy at times, with messy hair, holey jeans and bare feet, sometimes a little too loud, and I guess I did fit the description of a tomboy.
 That made me a little different than the other girls, and I sometimes felt uncomfortable around them, wondering if there was something wrong with me.
As I grew older, I began to change some.
 Suddenly I wanted to do my hair, wear makeup, put on heels and ribbons, and yet I didn't quite know how to do it without having others stare at me in surprise and say, "But you don't care what you like."
 It was frightening for me to step out of my tomboy image, when so many people knew me for it, but I eventually did learn to embrace who I was becoming.
 And yet I was still different. And I still am.
It's been hard for me to accept myself for who I am, because I have always felt so out of place, even with my dearest friends.

 I talk soft, sometimes too soft, and yet, other times, I am so obnoxious I cringe at the thought.
My quiet attitude can intimidate people, causing them to think I am stuck-up or unhappy, but in truth I'm observing them from my place in the corner, pondering what they are saying, wondering just what makes them tick.
 I can read people, pick up on their emotions, and tend to feel the weight of it at times, because my heart aches for them.

 Others think I'm stubborn and narrow-minded.
Someone once said: 'LaKaysha sees the world through a foggy window. She looks at it and says, 'I can't quite see what's out there, but I know I don't want it."
 That remark actually hurt me, but I only chuckled, rolled my eyes and walked away, feeling misjudged and misunderstood.
 I pondered that remark for weeks, with a heavy heart.

 My music taste is different than most of the girls I've come in contact with, and it's often picked on, too, because most teenage girls don't listen to the old country singers, or old gospel albums.
 "They sound uneducated." Someone said.
That hurt me, too, but I moved on without a response, because I have learned you cannot change people's opinions, no matter how much you argue.
 Charley Pride and Alan Jackson will always be dear to me, even if others don't understand it, and Hank Williams will always have a special place in my memories.
 I like the simple things in life, like sunshine, guitars and running criks, starlight, campfires and apple blossoms. Strawberries, fruit pies and spicy cider. Pickup trucks and baseball. Family gatherings filled with guitar music and beautiful singing.

My love for my country is deep, very deep, something other girls shake their heads at and some even scoff, but I can not change this affection I have for the Stars and Stripes.
 I truly love Her. We use that word 'love' a lot, when discussing out favorite movie or ice cream flavor, but that's not really what the word means.
 I love my country, my flag, and the boys overseas, our way of life here in the U.S.A.
I cry on days like December 7th or June 6th, because so many people have stopped caring.
 In a day and age where it's out of fashion to support troops and your nation, this also makes me a little 'odd' to others.

Another thing that makes me different than most...
I've experienced death.
 I know there are others out there who have lost more than I have, but it doesn't change the fact that I have known what grief truly is, and that kind of thing affects the way you look at others.
 The other day my mom was talking about someone approaching her after my Grandma's death and telling her that they couldn't imagine the pain she was in, because they had never lost. Anything.
 I was actually pretty blown away at that. "They've never lost anything?"
The thought of going through life without losing money, loved ones or things you hold dear...It is still unfathomable for me. I can't even imagine it.
 And this also makes me different than some. In fact, some people even get annoyed if you talk about the loved one you lost. Because they don't know what it's like.
 Grief is something that will never go away, and you will be a changed person when it comes.
You're broken a little, inside, and that piece will never be whole again.

I hate the news.
 This is one I've been thoroughly rebuked for, but I hate it for different reasons than they think.
I believe Americans should be informed, but 'all things in moderation'.
 I find when I watch the news, I'm dwelling on the bad, focusing on the sadness all around, and I become emotionally exhausted by the darkness.
 Because I want to fix everything and I can't.

 I love people. 
When I like someone, I don't just like them, I love them. Whether they are someone I've known my whole life, someone I've just met, or someone I've never even spoken to.
My heart wraps them up tightly, I hold them close, and when they let me down, it's like tearing something inside of me. That's when I draw deep inside myself, and it takes a while for me come out.
 Even then I don't stop loving them. In fact, it seems endear them to me even more.
But I won't push my way into someone's life. If I feel unwanted in any way, I give up. I'll always love that person, but I won't beg for their love in return.

People don't get me. I don't think they ever will.
 Because I am different. I'm a home schooled, introvert with big dreams and starry eyes, who likes to sing to herself in an empty garage, cries from beautiful things like newborn babies and sad songs, and wants to hug every person she meets.
And you know, I'm slowly coming to realize, that's okay. 
 Because I am who God made me to be, crafted with His loving hands to do great things for His glory, and not my own.
 The world won't understand me, because I follow a God Who is a god of Love, and peace, and hope. My smile is one of complete bliss, because I know, that despite what they think, my worth is found in the One Who saved me 2,000 years ago.

It's okay to be me. 

Different, not less. 


Sunday, May 6, 2018


I just realized in my last post I posted a header for 'March' instead of April.

I'm losing my mind, or something, ya'll.
 You should have been there at the gas station the other day. *Nope, not telling*
Anyways... The problem has been fixed. I DO apologize for me blondness.
 It's been a problem lately. *sigh*

Thursday, May 3, 2018

April Wrap Up/ Photo Dump

Yeah, I know I'm, like, three days late, but better late than never, I always say.
April was full of rain, sunshine, flowers and fog, as well as fun, work and daily life.
 I am now getting into my job, the kids are comfortable with me, and I am becoming more relaxed, too.
 Kirsten and Shiloh drove down for the weekend, and we took advantage of it.
It's been too long since they came down without a wedding, funeral or holiday going on, and we decided to hit the road Friday morning, heading down to the beach for some salt air.
 After walking along the sand, we decided to explore the town, and tried to find somewhere to eat, but being spring, there wasn't much open.
 We found a cute little cafe which we ducked into, and it was really good, but they only served breakfast and Chancy was rather put out about not getting his hamburger.
 But the ham and cheese omelette was actually quite good, and the cafe was tiny, with tablecloths and flowers on the tables. The smell of wood and good food made it cozy and enjoyable.
 After that we walked some more, ducked into little shops to buy some kettle corn, ice cream and little treats.
 We also stopped at this adorable little chocolate shop and warmed up from the rain, while listening to jazz piano and eating chocolate smoothies.
 Eventually, we made it to the Astoria Column and then had pizza for supper.
Saturday we all hopped into the van again, this time heading for the Caves, which was AWESOME!
 I can't even begin to tell you how fun it was! <3333333333333
The best part, (besides climbing up and down, crawling and ducking) was turning all the lights off and listening to the silence, in awe of how dark it is.
 I literally couldn't see my hand in front of me.
But, I can't keep prattling on....


The first day of work I wear my nice big nerdy glassses and throw my hair in a ponytail.
Next time I wear my contact lenses and leave my hair down.
 Bransen (my boss' son): "Did your sister come the other day? Because the girl that came looked just like you, but she was wearing glasses." LAUGHING
 I explained to him I was wearing little lenses in my eyes, and now every week he asks me if I can take them out and show him.

 After crawling in the Ape Caves, I change my clothes and find SIXTEEN bruises on my knees.
Now that's a record.

I couldn't wait to the watch it, and read spoilers for Infinity War..... *WAILS*

I'm not saying a word, but you're gonna be in tears

 Reading Fredrick Douglas's writings and nearly crying tears of sadness and awe.
  Chancy as he sets up a game: "LaKaysha, you playing?"
Me with starry eyes: "WHO HAS TIME FOR PETTY GAMES!?"

I didn't make my bed for nearly a week. OOPS

 Riding up front with Kirsten as we drive to the beach, discussing our dream houses, sourdough and pies; also waiting in line at Red Leaf Organic Coffee and laughing over my blondness.
 Don't ask.

Watched The Greatest Showman and I am in love <333333333
 Phineas and Charity are soooo sweet, Philip and Anne are adorable..... I can't even. *chokes*
The songs are SUPERB, the acting excellent (I mean, it's Hugh Jackman!) and I just LOVE the ending <3333333

I have the soundtrack on repeat, no joke.
 How many times have I listened to the album?
NEVER ENOUGH *pun intended*

Favorite songs:
Greatest Show (Zac Efron's burst in this one <33)
Million Dreams (this songs makes me all starry-eyed)
Never Enough (gorgeous solo)
Tightrope (but THIS solo is EPIC)
Rewrite the Stars (Zac and Zendaya do excellent in this one)
From Now On (This song... *sobs* best part of the movie)

It's 10:00 p.m. and I sit on the bed.
Daminika: "What...are we going to bed right now? For real? Let's do it!"
 I dive across the room to plug my phone in: "Yeah! Let's be wild! I love living on the edge."

Also, watched Man of Steel for the first time. That was pretty good, and Clark is super-sweet, but he still can't beat Steve Rogers *Captain America*

And now:
 A very large photo dump.
game night!

Late night run to town for a chocolate milkshake

Leah <33333333

night-time sketching

Sipping on a mango smoothie while listening to the rain

lunch <3

sister date at Blue Castle, where I got a mango smoothie 
(yes, I know I'm obsessed) and an apple turnover

Duchess had her kittens

my beautiful dog <3

Bransen picked me flowers <3

organic Red Leaf Coffee 

the gang headed out

these two are so cute. lol

These girls  <3

getting warmed up in the chocolate shop

view from the column

snapping pics. Oh, this modern world we live in

Kirsten Jean!

getting ready to head down

Emily Sue and I in the Caves

the whole gang down below
We have our flashlights on the rock in front of us, shining on our faces, 
and Chancy set his camera on self-timer 

Shiloh James

a skylight in the cavern

we crawled on our bellies to get to this little 'room' 
at the end of the tunnel

you can't take boys to a cave and not expect 
some climbing to be done

Kirsten and I, climbing around like monkeys

The boys lifted us girls so we could climb
 into a cavern that was at the top, before pulling themselves up

the girls

lots of belly-crawling 
And this is the end of the cave, where we crawled out of after hours
below the earth. Pretty crazy, eh?

the drive home from work is GORGEOUS <3
Don't worry, I was at a complete stop

And that's it, ya'll! 
 Did you make it to end? lol

How's your May going?