Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Writer: Blessing and a Curse

I love writing.
 I like to think of myself as a writer, although I don't really do much 'real' writing. Just me and my paper are the only ones who see a lot of my work.
 The power of written words can be overwhelming at times, and it seemed so much easier to get my feelings, thoughts, on paper, instead of trying to say them out loud.
 But it isn't always easy.
I think fellow writers can relate?
 There are the times when it seems like you have so many thoughts, all jumbled around in your mind, the words spinning around until they don't make much sense, and you just can't get it down right.
 Inside, you have something great and elaborate to say, your heart feeling so full and deep, and want to write something like this:
"Suffering passes, while love is eternal. That is a gift from God....*so on*" (LIW)
 But it ends up sounding like:
"See Jane run? Jane runs fast."
   Frustrating, isn't it?
And if your heart just doesn't seem to be in your writing, no matter how hard you try, it's not going to turn out. (My life update posts always seem to be hurried and dull for this reason)
 It's hard to be a dreamer, a writer, a thinker.
People sometimes don't understand you, your way of speaking, your quiet ways.
 They don't see the wild storm going inside you, the crazy emotions, the many thoughts swirling around in circles.
 I can write my feelings on paper so easily at times, but socially I can never express myself right.
The words come out either completely jumbled and I sound like a blubbering dummy, or they come out sounding rude and harsh, although they were so gentle and sweet in my head.
 That's the curse of being a writer. An introvert.
Unable to talk with others in a room, always feeling a little out of loop, even though it's really your own fault.

But the blessings of being a writer. A dreamer. 
 You can lose yourself in your own world, forget the troubles of life, ignore the many people that cover the planet, and create your own realm that understands, that hurts in the same way, that laughs and sings your songs. 
 You can also learn to be very observant of others, studying, learning, and becoming in-tune with them, knowing when they are hurting, when they are angry. 
 That's the way you can connect with others, even if you have a hard time sharing with them. 
If people knew how much we introverts notice, they may feel a little unnerved, and 'squirmy' around us, but that's the way we are. 
 That's how we learn to create people and things that hurt in a real way. 

It's we dreamers, thinkers, and writers, that come up with the 'impossible' in the world, the ones that create and craft. 
 The ones that invent, that believe the impossible to be possible, although it takes the hard workers, the steady ones, to make it possible. (See? We need all kinds) 
God made these kind of people for a reason, and where would the world be without them?



Monday, October 16, 2017

Work, Wedding, and Fun// Life Update

no, that's not THE dress. That's a surprise

It's been plenty busy around here.
 How can I begin?
I've been working some now, and can't wait for the paycheck next month *so I need money. Don't judge me*
 Felicity actually has been joining me on my work days, because she would like to earn an extra buck or two for the wedding, ect., which has been wonderful for me.
 I get to spend some time with her, and get away with being a passenger instead of a driver. *lets out a hoot*

Last Friday we drove to work, but, unfortunately, we couldn't find the house we were scheduled to clean. 
We drove in circles for what seemed like hours, reading house numbers, laughing until we cried, yelling at the GPS for being a complete liar and fruit-loop. 
 Finally we gave up and texted Liz, saying we were completely lost and could the other girls meet us at the subdivision entrance? 
 So we waited around for them, sweating in the sunshine, even though it wasn't even 70 degrees, and moaning pitifully, "I wanna go home now. I quit." 
 When the girls finally showed up, they informed us that they didn't know where the house was either, so this'll be great. 
 So we drove around in circles again, this time following them. 
I'm sure all the Mexicans working on the houses were laughing at us, and thinking, "Oh, look they found a friend to wander around with." 
 Long story short, we finally found it, and construction cleaned the entire house in two hours. *sunglasses. I know. We're cool." 
 The next day, my mom, my cousins, and the rest of of the bridal party (me, Daminika, Marita, ect) piled into the mini-van to go wedding dress hunting!
 The place we went to was small, but clean, and the people were extremely friendly and helpful, offering us water, making sure we were comfortable, listening carefully to what Felicity was wanting, and it was an enjoyable experience. 
 Felicity found her dress there! *confetti* 
She was a little torn between the one up top, and a different one. 
 She really liked one, but wasn't sure if we could afford it, but we could, and she got her dress! <3 
We all got a little misty-eyed, I must confess, when she first came out with a veil on. 
 I think that's when it all seemed so real, and my throat got a little tight, but thankfully, I kept my bearings. 
 When she did finally find THE dress, the people were excited, even gave us sparkling cider, and prayed a blessing over Felicity, which I think got her a little emotional for a moment. 
 They seemed to be wonderful people. *smiles* 
Sunday, after church, we ran around town for a while, hunting for things for the wedding, which was loads of fun. <333
 We are getting there, ya'll! 
It's really happening!
 Maybe I'll survive this, after all. 

Well, I gotta split. 
 In tearing hurry! 

What have you been up to? 



Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Life Update// TEARS and STRESS

Hello, lovelies! *English accent, you know*
 I really should be blogging more, about deep, important stuff like, 'the bearing of our souls and telling the most appalling secrets'. (Little Woman fans know)
 But my life has seemed so busy, and crazy lately, I just haven't the time nor the brainwaves to sit down and tell you every little thing that I've been doing.
My sister, my best friend, my companion since birth, is getting MARRIED!

basically my life right now

I'm so happy for her, ya'll! 
 I mean, Josiah is a great guy, sweet, gentle, Godly and mature, and I know she'll be very, very, happy. 
After the planning, shopping, laughing, hugging, bouquet throwing, tear shedding, the hard part follows all the joy. 

How am I ever going to say goodbye to this girl? 
 Oh, the memories that have been flooding me lately, as we plan for the future! 
Walking hand-in-hand down the 'huge' hill to Grandma's, where we knew Aunties Marissa and Marita would be waiting to play. 
 Gathering the eggs together in the morning, and finding dead chickens everywhere, which caused us to run screaming to the house like we were the ones being killed. 
 Felicity convincing us how much fun it would be to clean the playhouse. EVERYDAY. 
Felicity also convincing us how much cleaning the barn would be. And the house. 
"Let's clean this whole entire barn, she said. It'll be fun, she said." 
And I love her for it. 
 Playing in the leaves, swinging on the swing, climbing trees, watching movies and being able to quote them to each other, word for word. 
 Swimming, hiking.
 The many, many late-night giggles, arguments and music sessions that went on in our rooms, the shopping trips, the times we got up on a chilly morning to go to work, listening to music and drinking hot drinks on the way. 
 Sunday drives. 
The times when she put up with my whining, my tears, to listen and give me her advice, even if I didn't want to hear it. 
 Listening to my dreams, laughing at my antics, annoying me until I nearly bopped her one. 
She's done so much for me, as a big sister and as a dear friend, and I have been so blessed to have her in my life. 
 Sisters are such wonderful things. 

I don't know if I can do this. *Covers face and sobs* 

To add to this, I got a job construction cleaning, which I have done once. 
 Driving in town is NOT my cup of tea, so it was pretty stressful, and although I've committed to it, the thought of doing it again sounds so hard. 

literally me after work

 Enough of that. 
My sister is getting married, and we've got the exciting job of planning showers, dresses, flowers, shoes, the ceremony, and then she's going to be with her new best friend forever.  
And I'm so glad God sent Josiah to her. 

What have you been up to? 

Am I the only one who hates town driving?


Saturday, September 30, 2017

Favorite Fall Outfits Tag

My little sister and cousin both tagged me for this, and I figured ' why not?'
  I might be breaking the rules, but I want to include some outfits on Pinterest that I've been eyeing, because I really don't have clothes to make up cool outfits (actually, I just can't take the time to get dressed up and snap photos) 
 I'm sorry if that disappoints any of you, but it's been a crazy week for me. 
 Here we go. 

I really like the comfy, yet feminine look 
of this outfit, although I would probably 
do plain leggings

Isn't this the cutest? I have this thing
for turtleneck sweaters tucked into skirts. 
So classy! <3

I love the simplicity of cardigans. 
They add something to an outfit
without making it too much. 
*the shoes aren't my thing, though*

I LOVE the way Kate dresses. 
So simple but pretty <3 
I especially like the boots in this outfit

So I don't go for the tall boots, but I like the colors in this outfit. 
I wish I could wear white jeans, but I'm always 
so nervous I'd stain them somehow. 

Love this one! <3 

These boots *dies*

And there you have it! I really can't think of anyone to tag, so please forgive me if I fail to mention you. 
 If you want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

~You have to do at least four outfits (the more the better) 
~ Has to be your favorite outfits 
~ If you're not having fun doing the tag, don't do it 
~ You have to tag at least one person *I broke this rule. Cough cough* 

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Hear the Ever Tender Words of our Lord

This is something I scribbled down a while ago, when I was feeling overwhelmed with personal problems and stressful things that seemed to be swirling around me. 
 Our minds are always so full, aren't they? 
We think about tomorrow, what we will do, what if this happens, what will I wear to so-and-so's wedding, I need more gas in the rig but my checking is getting so low, a loved one is having a hard time, why did my Grandma have to die, how can I face tomorrow, I'm tired, and angry, and afraid and lonely and confused, there's so much going on in our nation right now, my room needs to be cleaned and I just don't have the time, I can't afford that eye appointment, what if my sister's flight is delayed in the middle of the country, I'm not a good enough person, my heart isn't kind enough, I don't smile enough, I don't cry enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm too vain, Grandpa isn't well, how can I be an adult and marry when getting gas is stressful.... WHEW!
 Life's problems seemed to build up, and swirl around in our minds until we feel like grabbing at our hair and screaming, "ENOUGH!" 
 With our minds so full of silly, stressful things, how can we hear that still small voice that is always calling to us. 
 How often do we simply sit back and listen?
Not to our minds, and thoughts, but to simply be still and listen.
Hearken to the Voice of our Savior and tell Him, from the bottom of our hearts, that 'I am really angry and hurt right now. Please, help me.' 
 After letting it all go, releasing all of those crazy, wild emotions that seemed so strong, then can we sit and wait. 
 Wait for His comforting touch, which always comes. 
I'm reminded of when Elijah was up at a cave, in 1 Kings chapter 19, and there was a great strong wind, then an earthquake, then a fire, but the Lord wasn't in any of these, but after the fire, Elijah heard a still small voice. 
 It's a beautiful chapter, if you ever want to look into it

Be Still 

I was hurting, I was empty. 
I felt as if God was gone. 

The days seemed so burdened, 
the dark nights so long. 

I screamed out to the Lord, 
I lashed out in fear. 

But to me He seemed silent,
and deaf to every fear. 

I unleashed all my anger, 
I expressed all my woes

But upon a silent ear they fell, 
like soft drifting snows.

At last my anger gave way, 
shouting, I could do no more. 

And with shaking shoulders and heavy heart
I fell to my knees on the floor. 

The heavy silence seemed calming, 
as I wiped away the tears

And ever so gently and tender, 
a voice spoke to soothe my fears

'In the dark of the night, I am there,
In the day's sunshine I dwell

Always, my presence can reach you, 
even in the lowest Hell. 

In the whirlwind of your anger, 
there, I cannot be. 

For in your spirit of fear
your heart does not welcome me

But when you,at last,can listen, 
once you've simply let it go.

Then does My loving Spirit come in 
and then my peace you'll know

Just rest in my arms, dear child, 
Simply be still and know

That I am holding you closer
and I will never let you go'

LaKaysha Stenersen 
August 2017

Monday, September 18, 2017

Sing It Now

You ever come across a poem, quote or verse that tugs at your heartstrings?
 That makes you think, "That is a beautiful way to put it."
I do that with songs.
 I love songs that make me cry. Make me think. Comfort me.
Music is such a beautiful gift, isn't?
When the words fail you, and you can't think of any way to express your feelings, music can be a wonderful way.
 When you feel sort of numb, confused with the trials of life, a sad song can bring out the hurt you were pushing away, and the words seems to assure you that it's okay to hurt.
 Gospel and hymns bring the comfort you need during a hard time, telling you that the storm will pass, and God never forsakes.
 Maybe I'm the odd one, but music is very special to me, and I think those who make music are very special indeed.
'We are the music makers. And we are the dreamers of dreams.'
So, anywho, I thought I'd just share some lyrics that I love, if that's okay with ya'll.
 I know it's kind of random, but bear with me, all right? *winks*

I Wanna Live by Glen Campbell

Strong Enough to Cry by Joey Feek
I love this song. <3 
 Have you ever heard it? It's really worth a listen!

Call Me Old-Fashioned by Bradley Walker

Sing It Now by Reba McEntire

This song has become very special to me, personally. 
Basically the song is saying, in good or bad times, we are to praise and sing to our Savior. <3
 Another song worth looking up. 

Oceans by Hillsong

I Believe by Carson Peters

Always loved this song... So beautiful. 

Why Me, Lord? by Conway Twitty

It's Good to Be Alive by Jason Grey

I find myself humming this song when life seems to be getting me down.
 I have to remind myself that we are only here for a short time, and each day is a gift from God, and 'It's good to be alive.' <3

Cowboy in a Three-piece Business Suit
by Clint Eastwood

This a sad song, but I just love it. 
 Can't really say exactly why, except maybe I can relate to the poor man, stuck in a modern world, when he only wants to be his own man, riding the range. (Course, I can't be a cowboy, but I would like to have one for myself? lol)

Where Jesus Is by Joey and Rory

A beautiful song about true worship and the gathering of God's children. 
 This particular verse tugs at my heart, as I think of all the men out there fighting for my freedom, enduring so much horror and pain, and in need of prayers and love. 
 God bless our men. 

Farther Along by *anyone* 

Need I say anymore? 
 It's one of the most comforting songs I've ever heard, and I cling to it's promise often. 
"Cheer up, my brother. Live in the sunshine. We'll understand it all, by and by."

God bless you all, and remember, Jesus loves you. 


Friday, September 15, 2017

It rained!!!!!! *Actually Misted*

just because I love this picture

Can you imagine how exciting it is when you're driving home after long hours of cooking meals for the men going hunting this weekend, and you see water on your windshield?!
 So it wasn't really a full rain, but I could hear the water drops, feel it on my hands as I hung out the window (yes, I was driving.shhh) and the whole world was getting a good soak.
I was like, "My windshield is wet!" and was completely insane the whole drive home, singing, whooping and really letting 'er rip.
 Daminika wasn't sure what to do with me. Besides video me and post it on Instagram...*covers face*
The day are getting colder, and the rains will soon be here, so I'm setting back and waiting.
Fall is gonna be here before we know it, and I'm not complaining.
 Why, the other morning I went outside *have to since my bedroom is in the garage. It's quite fun, actually* and as I stood listening to the birds sing, I could see my breath!
Yeehaww! *lets out the biggest cowboy yell I can possibly muster*
Anywho.... things are picking up around here.
 Felicity is gone to NH to see her man, so I'm the eldest at home right now, and it can be a little tiring at times... but whatever. Better get used of it. *looks angelically at the ceiling. You figure it out*
 Also, Daminika went and got a job, so I'm feeling pretty *WHYYYYY NOT ME?*
But... such is life. *winks* I'll survive.

I've been trying out Calligraphy... Can't say it's great, 
but it's the best I can do. Give me a chance, ok? ;P

I'm quite pleased with my 'Your'. and 'Wish'. I thought 
they turned out quite nicely.

Sketching a little, too. 
Why do I fall in love with my doodles, and not the 
realistic portraits that I spend so much time on?

I mean, it's not like it's sensational.... But I just love it. 
I think I'll put it under my pillow. Carry it in my purse. 

On the darker side.... 
 My Grandpa is having a hard time right now, and I would really appreciate it if ya'll would keep him and my family in your prayers. 


Friday, September 8, 2017

Where are you, Fall?

If you live in the Northwest, you'll know the troubles we're going through right now.
 We haven't had rain in 70+ days, ya'll, and the countryside is showing the signs of drought.
There are major wildfires blazing right now, thousands of acres in flames, and many people have been evacuated, although only one home has been lost so far.
 The fire jumped the river, and is now on our side, but thankfully hasn't made it to our area yet, so we haven't had to evacuate.
 We've been praying for rain, and praying for the safety of all the brave firefighters that are putting their lives on the line. I hear it may rain? *prays that it's true*
 Thankfully, the winds have shifted, so the fire is no longer being blown in our direction, but I haven't heard if it is being contained or not.
 It's been a bad season for the Northwest, and Washington, Oregon, Montana and Idaho are all lit up with fires across the states, so we are in desperate need of rain.
 The worst thing in my area is the smoke!
All those fires can cause such a cloud of smoke, the air is actually considered dangerous in some places, and people are asking you to stay inside as much as possible.
 My room gets so hot, but we can't open the windows in the evenings because of the heavy gray cloud. The hills are either very faint in some places, or you can't see them at all.
Ash is falling everywhere, our cars are speckled with white and gray, and it's almost like a war zone, as some people walk around town with masks and bandanas over their faces.
 But it's improving. *breathes a prayer of thanks*
 I see people complaining, saying, 'No, summer can't be over!' and I'm like, "Waa? Guys, I'm so ready for fall, and it isn't coming!"
 I'm excited for cold, wet days, sweaters and boots, steaming mugs of hot cider and pumpkin coffee, and lying in bed with heavy layers of covers, your nose delightfully pink from the cold.
 Summer started early here this year, and it shows no signs of letting up.
I keep telling myself to be patient, because winter will be here soon enough, and we'll be stuck inside for a while, but I must admit, I'm not really listening. *shrugs*
  I've never liked too much heat.
It makes me sticky, sweaty, and little panicky at times, so late summer isn't always my favorite time of year.
 Early summer is nice, when the skies are blue and sunny, the grass is lush and green, and it's a high of 75 degrees. But as soon as it gets hotter....Ugh.
 I mean, when it's cold, you can bundle up! And sit next to a cozy fire.
But when it's hot....you can only take off so much! *laughs*
 It's like you can't get away from it.
So, if ya'll haven't noticed, I am excited for fall, and waiting impatiently for it to come.

What's your favorite thing about summer ending?


Thursday, August 24, 2017

The Face of God

It's sad when you think about the labels humans tend to put on each other.
 You look at the magazines and movie posters, full of 'beautiful' women, with flawless skin, large eyes and long, luscious hair, and you sigh when you realize that you're so...ordinary.
 Oh, dear one, you are far from ordinary.
You are lovely.
 I once made a comment to a friend, saying Abraham Lincoln was very handsome.
Of course, you can imagine the listener's response.
"Lincoln was known for being ugly!"
How sad, when people look at each other and think them ugly. Homely.
If we only looked at each other through the eyes of God, we would see ourselves and others so much differently.
 If we could see others as human beings, created by the same God, with hearts, feelings, and souls.
That girl you saw at your local grocery, cries, hurts and aches just like you, and she has many fears, struggles, and insecurities, just like you.
 The man that passes your house each day, with the round face and large nose, has a soul that longs to be at peace, just as much as you.
 Every human being, every solitary soul scattered across this globe, is beautiful. 
The old woman with laugh lines, thin gray hair, and wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, is gorgeous.
 That skinny teenage boy with the huge Adam's apple, is handsome.
The young, insecure girl with large glasses, freckles, and large teeth, is a shining angel.
Black, white, red, yellow, young, old, male, female.
 Whether you have flawless skin, acne, perfect teeth or braces.
 We are all crafted with loving hands, hands that long to hold all of us in the bosom of His Grace, loved, wanted.
 All of us.

How fickle humans can be.
 We rate each other like we would the flavor of an apple, or the quality of a cow, and then when society changes its mind on 'beauty', we change ours, too.
 Clint Eastwood was told he'd probably never make much of himself as an actor.
He was too skinny, his eyes much too squinted, he talked soft, his Adam's apple was too big, and, goodness, he was blond.
 Not dark and handsome like William Holden. No, he'd never make it.
Against their better judgement, the studio used him anyway, and what a shock, when years later, this 'ugly' skinny boy became one of the biggest stars in Hollywood history.
 But even more than that, he was considered one of the handsomest men in America. And still is.
 What silly, foolish creatures we are!
Placing each other on a scale, tossing some out, telling others, 'Oh, you're all right, I suppose. Pretty, but not beautiful.' and even when we do find one that seems 'gorgeous' we are always watching them, urging them to fix this, don't do that.
 It seems we only find the flaws in others.
How often do we look for the good? The beautiful?
 Not a single one of us is useless, unloved. Ugly. 
 That's such a dreadful word. Ugly.
 Look at yourself.
Deep down, you are no saint.
 We all are sinners. Wretched sinners, in need of a loving Savior.
But in that Savior's eyes, we are treasure. 
Treasure that He came to save, and keep, until it can truly shine, for all eternity.
Crafted like snowflakes, with something special about each one of us.
 When we can put aside all our foolish pride and cruel judgement, to truly see each other, and look for the living soul inside, then we can catch a glimpse of something heavenly.
 Then we can see a small part of the face of God.
Love each other, and uplift one another.
 Even that tattoo-covered, pierced young teenager with the hard eyes is in need of love, forgiveness, and understanding.
 Because in truth, without God, we would all be down that road, wouldn't we?
Let's think about this before we are so quick to lash out with cruel judgments and mocking words.
 Why not put aside the phrase, 'Look at that weirdo' and choose instead, 'Oh, Lord, there is another treasure in need of rescuing. Won't you help them today?'
 It's up to us to shine our light in such a dark world.
Because, despite the hate, the anger and war this earth is so full of, God's light will never go out, and His warm, loving gaze can mend the dirtiest, filthiest wounds.
 God loves you. And He loves me.
How can we not love each other?

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

I Like to Think//Different Kind of Poetry

I Like to Think
I like to think.
When the wind blows through the trees, and the branches sway,
As the dimming sun shows the closing of day,
I like to think.
When the rain is going gently, over the wet, wonderland,
As the raindrops fall with a plink, on my outstretched hand,
I like to think.
When the fire crackles in the crisp evening air, and the flames dance,
As the stars twinkle down when you give an upward glance,
I like to think.
When I hear the music in a small child’s laughter, and see the joy,
As I feel the sticky kisses of a happy little boy,
I like to think.
When my mother gives me her warm smile, and pats my hand,
As she assures me God gives the strength to stand,
I like to think.
Yes, in the quiet, peaceful moments, of a fast-paced life,
Where there is so much pain, so much strife,
I like to think.
I think of the pain I’ve seen, yet the peace that I have felt,
Of how many times on my knees I’ve knelt.
And then in these moments, I smile, for it’s good to know,
That I am so very, very blessed, and as the years go,
Even when the days are weary, and the nights are so very long,
These moments will come and go, and they will keep me strong.
In the quiet moments at dusk, when the Ancient Words are read,
As the psalms and hymns dance through my head,

I simply listen. And my soul is at rest.

LaKaysha Stenersen
August 9, 2017

A little jumbled, I suppose. But generally, my thoughts are. 
 Not the style I usually write in, but....*shrugs*