It doesn't seem like I have much point or purpose here on earth.
Yes, I help out at home, but living in a house full of adults, cleaning, cooking and laundry truly doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment.
My sistes can cook, clean and do all that, too, and I guess that doesn't make me feel needed.
Like if I were ever gone, things really wouldn't change all that much.
Oh, I know my family would miss me, and they would never want me to leave, but I still feel discouraged.
I was feeling pretty alone and empty.
I wanted a spouse, and I wanted him now, but he wasn't showing up, and it didn't look like he would be any time soon.
In anger and dispointment, I lashed out at God and told Him I was tired, lonely, empty, and it wasn't fair!
Didn't He care? Why doesn't He send me someone?
Didn't He see all of the pain and loneliness I was feeling?
God answered back to me in a very humbling way.
For one thing, why did I want a husband?
I wanted him to be happy, to feel secure and needed.
Isn't that what I'm for?
Oh, yes, I knew that I should be finding my peace and comfort in God, but I was just tired of all this waiting...
Don't you think those are selfish reasons?
I felt pretty humbled then.
A husband isn't going to fill the emptiness inside your heart. Only I can do that.
And didn't you ever stop to think, that I have something very special planned for you, and all of your waiting and wondering should be turned into prayers and meditation with Me?
Perhaps I feel that you need to be filled with more of Me before you are ready to give your heart to another.
I was moved to tears.
I may have someone out there, made for only you, and you must guard your heart from foolish dreams of a love that will fill your wants.
He will be worth the wait, and will give you what I know you need, not what you think you need.
Until you heart is mine, it isn't safe in the hands of a man.
I had never felt so rebuked, and I was ashamed.
I asked Him to give me a searching heart, always wishing to know more of Him, and to forgive my selfishness and anger.
To teach me His ways, to mold me into a better woman that will live for Him, and not man, and teach me to be content where I am.
I am going admit something, so bear with me.
I had seen someone, a man, and had thought he looked nice, and cute, and began to dream of him.
I hadn't even spoke to him.
I think I really was clinging to him, mentally, because he was single and cute.
Well, he got a girlfriend.
And that hurt.
I felt so let down.
And that same day, I saw this:
Talk about humbling.
It literally took my breath away when I saw it on Pinterest.
And now I know that I have to stop trying to write my own love story.
I must simply walk with my Lord and hold to His Hand as He guides me, because I have no idea where I am going in this life.
I must always be seeking His will, His strength and His love.
And when it comes to my point and purpose in life, I must live for Him, and Him only.
Just some food for the thought this morning.