I've been struggling, you all know it, and I want to thank you so much for your prayers and words of encouragement! <3
It's been quite a storm over in my world for the last week, and it didn't look much like the sun would ever come out again.
No, not literally, because our weather here has been quite gorgeous. ;)
I'm talking about inwardly.
Besides my other struggles I have shared, there has been a family matter that has us in fervent prayer for one our dear ones, and it's been a hard, hard time for us all.
It isn't something I can really talk about, but it's been very hard for me, because the person involved has been my dearest friend since childhood, and it's never easy to see someone you love turn away from all the things you believe are important.
Needless to say, I was hurting so badly, and it wasn't a very happy birthday for me...
(The party wasn't on my actual birthday, you see)
I couldn't understand why this was happening, why God allowed this...
I was confused, and hurt.
But in times like these, the only thing you can do is...
I was clinging to my pain, my hurt, but I now see it's time to leave it all; my loneliness, my hurt, my confusion, and my dear friend in the hands of our Savior.
There is nothing I can do, and it's time I stopped trying to change things that I have no control over.
It's time I went on with a smile, and a sense of peace in my heart, knowing that this life, this world, and my soul are in the Hands of the One Who made it all.
'Leave it there, leave it there. Just take your burden to the Lord and leave it there. If you trust Him through your doubt, He will surely bring you out. Just take your burden to the Lord and leave it there...' ~ 'Leave it There' by Joey and Rory
Have you ever heard the song 'You Know Better Than I'?
It's a beautiful, beautiful song, that gives me great comfort when I'm confused and hurting.
'I thought I did what's right. I thought I had the answer.
I thought I chose the surest road, but that road brought me here.
So I put up a fight, and told You how to help me
And just when I have given up, the truth is coming clear.
You know better than I, You know the way. I've let go the need to know why.
For you know better than I.
(2)If this has been a test, I cannot see the reason.
But maybe knowing 'I don't know' is part of getting through.
I try to do what's best and faith has made it easy,
to see the best thing I can do, is put my trust in You.
I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky. I saw a bird and thought that I could follow.
But it was You Who taught that bird to fly. If I let You reach me, will You teach me?
For You know better than I, You know the way. I've let go the need to know why.
I'll take what answers You supply. You know better than I.'
I've come to realize that God does know, much, much more than I ever could.
He has a plan, a purpose for my life, and
Everything is gonna be okay.
In one of my favorite films. 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington'. the leading character tells the girl how things always seem so much brighter, so much lovelier when you emerge from a dark tunnel, and that he tries to live his whole life, to see the whole world, as if he had just come out of a tunnel.
Well, guys, I've been in a dark tunnel for a while.
A tunnel I built myself, with self-pity and loneliness.
But no more.
I'm coming out of the tunnel, with a smile on my face and a song in my lips, and I'm going to try and embrace the life the Merciful Father has given me with a contented heart.
You know, ever since the trouble with my friend started, I haven't given myself much thought.
God can use every trial for something good!
I now see there are so much worse things than being single for a while.
How selfish of me, to feel anger and sadness simply because I haven't got what I wanted right now.
I belong to a God Who loves me, Who died for me, Who created every single inch of me, and has a glorious plan for me.
Why should I feel discouraged?
I know my life, my family and friends' lives, and your life is in His Hands.
How great is that?