Spiders and Snakes

Hey ya'll! I know it's been...way too long, but hey,

Blogging just isn't a huge priority for me anymore.

First news: I'm flying to New Hampshire in a few days!
 As a gift for my 21st birthday, a few of my cousins and some of my siblings surprised me with a plane ticket to NH.
 I was completely astonished and blow away by all my wonderful people, and it's been busy, busy, trying to get work and shopping done before the day comes.
 Daminika will be flying with me (because we're practically connected at the hip) and we will be gone for three weeks.
 Three weeks off from work!
Which brings me to my little story for the day:
Daminika and I clean houses for a living, as most of you already know, and today we cleaned one of our once-a-month houses.
 In this house, there is a son, a daughter, mom and dad, and a boarder. (we think?)
The son has a pet snake and tarantula in his room (YES) and I am always so nervous to enter that danger zone, no matter how much I like living on the edge.
 We always have our share of mishaps at this house; Daminika slipped while scrubbing the bathtub and doused herself in bleach or the time I found the tarantula's shed on the dresser and had a mini heart attack.
 But today, my friends. Today's incident beats them all.
As I went upstairs and entered that dreaded man-cave, reaching to strip his bed, I glanced at the chest/trunk in the corner.
 My heart stopped beating when I saw a three-foot snake draped across the chest.
A snake, ya'll!
 For a moment I thought it was fake. (Because of the spider incident) I mean, there is no way there's an actual snake in the room with me, right?
I flew from the room in a state of fear and called softly, "Daminika? Why don't you come take a peek at his bedroom with me?"
 Obviously she knew something was up by the sound of my voice and she cautiously came around the corner, looking concerned.
 Together we stared at the huge, fat reptile and whispered to each other, "Is it real?"
Then it moved. 

Oh, boy, let me tell you. My stomach plummeted straight into my toes, my heart did a little boogie in my chest, and for a split second, I thought for sure I would swoon. 

 A few choice words came to mind, but I am lady, after all. 

 As it slithered down the chest and to the floor, we slammed the door shut and I began to squeak, "What'll we do? What'll we do?" 

There was a big old crack beneath the door, and I knew that beast would come right through it and dash after me. 

Flailing my arms, on the verge of hysterics, I scrambled to find something to shove under the door. 

 A pillow! A pillow would work!

I snatched up a pillow from the daughter's bed and crammed it into the crack, but it wasn't big enough. There was still at least a four inch empty space. 

 What now?! (Daminika was calmly watching me hyperventilate during all of this and offered no assistance.)

Running to the boarder's room, I saw a sweatshirt hanging on the desk chair and grabbed it, stuffing it into the remaining hole. 

 There now. It'll never get away. 

But we had to clean that room (it's a GUY'S room, for pete's sake) which was occupied by a wretched serpent on the warpath. 

 "How did it get out?" Daminika wanted to know. "Someone had to have let it out." 

Of course, even in my state of hysterics, I was still forgiving and kind, and willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

 "I'll kill him." 

Daminika thought it was all rather funny, watching me wheeze and puff out dire threats to that 'skinny little nerd.' "I'll break his scrawny ankle with my bare hands."

 As I struggled to calm my galloping heart and wheezing lungs, I pulled out my phone to text my boss. 

 In not so many words, I informed her that the snake had gotten loose, I was about to die and under no circumstances would I set foot in that bedroom. 

 She called me, and as I put the phone to me ear, I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"So the snake is out?" 

"Yes." There is a killer snake in the same house as me. I'm dead. 

"Are you sure it's out? Did you see it?"

"Yes, we saw it." The panic in my voice doesn't assure you that YES I SAW IT?

"Oh, that's funny... well, I mean, it isn't, but it is." 

You're laughing at this? And I suppose hangings are humorous, too.

"Well, it doesn't have teeth, just so you know." 

Oh, and that's supposed to make everything better?

 She laughed a little at my predicament. 

 "Can you put a towel under the door? It can get out otherwise." 

Thanks for that. I'm going to die. I'm so going to die. 

Eventually the son came from school and went upstairs to catch the culprit, amused that I would dare be afraid of a slithering, three-foot vermin. Amused!

 You see? This is what I have to live with. 

 This vacation is really starting to look good, if you know what I mean.

What would you have done? 

I'll see you all in a few weeks! maybe....