Friday, June 9, 2017
Where Do I Go From Here?//Learning to Live
You all know my issues with being single, having anxiety, and all that jazz.
I've written about it before.
Why hasn't he come yet?
What am I supposed to do with my life?
Whine, whine, whine.
This is partly why I took that wonderful vacation to New Hampshire; to get away from things, to take a moment to breathe, and to simply enjoy being with family.
And it was amazing.
I know, I keep saying that, but I had such a great time, ya'll!
I snuggled with my sweet little cousins that I miss so much, hung out with a cousin who I haven't really talked to in a long time, got to know him better, and I stepped out of my comfort zone to do things I would never have here at home.
I went Glow Bowling, I drove a stick-shift (NEVER would have dreamed of it before) went to a gathering where I didn't really know anybody, and went to volleyball....
Sounds like nothing to you, but to an insecure introvert like me, it's a big deal.
I was so... happy.
I didn't realize how unhappy I had been until we flew out and I saw how other young people live.
One night, Tyrel took Daminika and I to volleyball, and we didn't really talk to anyone.
Just sat up against a brick wall and watched the game.
But as I was sitting there, the thought occurred to me.
I can be content with where I am.
So I'm not married.
Obviously God knows that I am not ready for marriage just yet.
But, you know, I can still be quite happy.
Sitting around pouting because I haven't a boyfriend isn't the way to live at all.
I'm nineteen years old!
It isn't like I'm an old maid, with no future in sight.
I enjoyed hanging out with the guys, without looking around and wondering if there were any available.
All the guys I hung out with were my cousins, anyways. lol
But I realized that I should simply enjoy living.
If I can't be content with being single, then how can I be content with the problems that arise if I do marry?
It isn't what life gives you, it's how you respond.
I guess, what I'm trying to say (and doing a terrible job at that) is that God finally got through to me, and told me to relax.
If you've read my sister Felicity's blog, you'd know that she now has a man of her own, and that she once had a similar revelation.
I love the way she put it.
"Wait. It's going to be beautiful."
I have been job hunting for a while now, with no prospects in sight, and it can get pretty overwhelming at times.
But I have learned to breathe.
I have learned that life is beautiful, with all the bumps and curves, the storms and turmoil, and God gave me a great, wonderful purpose.
To live for Him.
In any way He sees fit.
'He makes all things beautiful, in His time.'
I still have my problems, but the trip to NH did wonders for me, and God opened my eyes to things I have never seen before.
Showed me that it's all in His hands.
'I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.'