A Still Small Voice

I have been feeling so down lately.
 It doesn't seem like I have much point or purpose here on earth.
Yes, I help out at home, but living in a house full of adults, cleaning, cooking and laundry truly doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment.
 My sistes can cook, clean and do all that, too, and I guess that doesn't make me feel needed.
Like if I were ever gone, things really wouldn't change all that much.
 Oh, I know my family would miss me, and they would never want me to leave, but I still feel discouraged.
 I was feeling pretty alone and empty.
I wanted a spouse, and I wanted him now, but he wasn't showing up, and it didn't look like he would be any time soon.
 In anger and dispointment, I lashed out at God and told Him I was tired, lonely, empty, and it wasn't fair!
 Didn't He care? Why doesn't He send me someone?
Didn't He see all of the pain and loneliness I was feeling?
 God answered back to me in a very humbling way.
For one thing, why did I want a husband?
 I wanted him to be happy, to feel secure and needed.

Isn't that what I'm for?

 Oh, yes, I knew that I should be finding my peace and comfort in God, but I was just tired of all this waiting...

Don't you think those are selfish reasons?

I felt pretty humbled then.

A husband isn't going to fill the emptiness inside your heart. Only I can do that.
 And didn't you ever stop to think, that I have something very special planned for you, and all of your waiting and wondering should be turned into prayers and meditation with Me?
 Perhaps I feel that you need to be filled with more of Me before you are ready to give your heart to another.

I was moved to tears.

I may have someone out there, made for only you, and you must guard your heart from foolish dreams of a love that will fill your wants.
 He will be worth the wait, and will give you what I know you need, not what you think you need.
Until you heart is mine, it isn't safe in the hands of a man.

I had never felt so rebuked, and I was ashamed.
I asked Him to give me a searching heart, always wishing to know more of Him, and to forgive my selfishness and anger.
 To teach me His ways, to mold me into a better woman that will live for Him, and not man, and teach me to be content where I am.

I am going admit something, so bear with me.
 I had seen someone, a man, and had thought he looked nice, and cute, and began to dream of him.
 I hadn't even spoke to him.
I think I really was clinging to him, mentally, because he was single and cute.
 Well, he got a girlfriend.
And that hurt.
 I felt so let down.
And that same day, I saw this:

Wow.

 Talk about humbling.

It literally took my breath away when I saw it on Pinterest.

And now I know that I have to stop trying to write my own love story.

 I must simply walk with my Lord and hold to His Hand as He guides me, because I have no idea where I am going in this life.

 I must always be seeking His will, His strength and His love.

And when it comes to my point and purpose in life, I must live for Him, and Him only.

Just some food for the thought this morning.

                                    LaKaysha

Riding the Wind

Well, both my sisters and my aunt all wrote posts about out trip to the ranch, so I won't go into too much detail.
 All my followers follow them, too. ;)

I was kind of hesitant the morning of the drive up.
 I hadn't slept well the night before, didn't like the thought of no showers or dust in my contact lenses, and although I love the Ranch, I was feeling a little...'Ehh."
 But the closer we got, the more excited I became, and when the house did come into sight, my heart did a little flutter and I actually thought I would cry!
 My old home away from home.... *sigh*
The silence there (when there aren't four wheelers roaring by) is absolutely amazing, and there isn't a more peaceful place on earth!
 Birds singing in the trees, the wind blowing through the tall grass, and no cell service, boy, it's awesome.
 The mornings were always my favorite, when I wake up to birds, cool air on my face, and the sound of bacon frying in the kitchen.
 I have loved four wheelers since I was little, (just ask my parents) and they never fail to give me a thrill and a wonderful sense of freedom.
 After we got the house cleaned the first day, Daminika and I (I can't remember if Emily was with) finally got to hop on a four wheeler and fly.
 I was so happy to be there, at one point I stood up while driving and laughed, "I'm so happy, I could die!" ;) haha
 The next best thrill was when the boys took out their instruments and played for us. :)
 Fiddles seriously take my breath away, and Gavin plays so beautifully. :) :) :)
Leaving was bittersweet, just like it always is, because as much as I was looking forward  to a real shower and my bed, it broke my heart to leave the wonderful place behind.

Isn't beautiful? I must admit it was pretty depressing to go from this...

 

To this.

 

But then, living in a more populated area makes me appreciate the Ranch even more. :D

 There you believe you could do anything, like ride the wind or catch a falling star...

It's a place of wonder, and peace, and I love it so very much.

Saying goodbye for the last time will be very hard.

 But it's only a place, and another chapter in life that must come to an end someday.

I hope you enjoyed! 

 

                                                               LaKaysha